Sunday, December 27, 2009

I am putting some people on notice...

I like movies. Most people is a nice way to escape real life for a couple of hours and not think about things. Every once in a while, though, a movie comes along that resets your love for movies. They don't come along very often...I remember being so pissed off at the movie Hannibal that it set me back a couple of years.

Last night, we decided to treat ExplosiveDaughter to a movie at Blockbuster, her choice. We walked out of there with probably the biggest dump of a movie I have ever seen. Seriously, this was the most uninspired schlock I have ever laid eyes upon, but that isn't the worst of it. This movie starred (well, the voices, at least) of several very highly regarded actors, but never, ever, even approached funny, well written, or entertaining. Here are some of the people that are now being put on notice by me:

Tracy Morgan - I love ya in 30 Rock. You are a very, very funny man. But you were completely reduced to a racist cliche in this movie. You were awful.

Jon Favreau - You almost get a pass because of Elf and Iron Man. But you don't, because you know what is good and what isn't. And this wasn't good...and not once, did you step up and say, Hey! I know what makes a good movie, and this isn't it! This sucks! And you should have, and you know it.

Penelope Cruz - You get a free pass on this because I don't think you would know a funny movie if it came and bit you on the ass.

Sam Rockwell - You are better than this...way better than this. You were brilliant in the Green Mile...almost made the were fantastic in Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy. You disappointed me thoroughly in this movie. It actually made me sad to see that was you at the end of this movie.

Will Arnett - You aren't that funny anyway...I haven't liked you in pretty much anything. If you weren't married to Amy Poehler, I don't think I would want you in any movies ever.

Zach Galifianakis - Shame, shame, shame on you. You probably had the best chance to influence this movie because you weren't an animated rodent. You were actually in it...and you still failed.

But all of these people pale in comparison to the person who deserves the most amount of criticism, all of it very well deserved, and that would be Hoyt Yeatman. Who is this, you ask? Why, he is the director. This is the man that couldn't get ONE FUNNY LINE out of any of these people, and he was content to do it. Have you ever seen Shrek, Hoyt? Somehow, they were able to make a kid's movie that was funny for both kids and adults. You had freaking Zack G, Tracy M, Jon F., AND the financial backing of Jerry Bruckheimer and this is the pile of goat shit you come up with?

Seriously, if you haven't figured it out, I am talking about G-Force. Please don't say that it was a cute movie....because I can make a cute movie filming an hour and a half of guinea pigs that would be funnier than this. Ugh...I am so disgusted about this movie, because it represents everything that is wrong with the movie industry today. Just throw together some names, and animate it with computers, and it doesn't have to be good! It just has to be able to sell Happy Meals! If we can put a gerbil on a Slurpee cup, the movie is a success!

I hope to all that is sacred you weren't forced to watch this movie...because it was awful. I was actually a little mad at my daughter for picking it out. If there had been ONE funny line in the movie, I might have just shrugged it off...but it was that bad. I would rather have watched Ken Jeong and Jane Lynch do a dramatic reading of War and Peace than watch this movie...seriously.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Actors I am sick of...

The following is a list of people that I am tired of seeing show up in every single thing ever, and why. Warning: The following is a rant, which exempts me from having any logic whatsoever in my logic.

  • Ken Jeong - Every time this guy is in anything, he is over the top, and not in a good way. Have you seen Community? Awful...he drags the show down, yet he is featured in every GD episode. Wasn't that funny in The Hangover either. He distracts from the main story line. The best funny people make those around them funny...He just seems to try and make every line in his performance all about how funny he is.
  • Jane Lynch - Almost didn't watch Glee just because she is in it. Can't stand her...yet everyone seems to put her on this pedestal like she is the queen of comedy. Note to directors: Just because they are funny at improv doesn't mean they are funny when there is a script.
  • Kristen Wiig - ok, you were pretty funny the first couple of seasons that you were on Saturday Night Live...and then Lorne Michaels tried to cram you down the throats of America, and I am sick to death of seeing you in EVERY EFFING SKETCH!!! Gilly is not funny, nor is the lady who tries to one-up everybody. So tired of your shtick. If I were in the audience for SNL and you tried to puke up another Gilly sketch, I would boo you on live television.
This is not an all inclusive list. I plan on adding to it. I just saw a picture of Ken Jeong and it fired me up. I might even do a list of people that I want to see more of on television...ahh??

That gets you interested, doesn't it?

Oh, and I tried to put pictures on the post, but Blogger is retarded in adding pictures to a post. Nice job, boys...way to make it semi-manageable. I don't pay you all this money for a blog to...nevermind.

Monday, December 21, 2009


This is a great ad...very subtle. Takes a minute to get what they are is for lube, btw.

Found at

Lamebook – Facebook Fails, Wins, LOLs and More � No Shit

Lamebook – Facebook Fails, Wins, LOLs and More � No Shit

Lamebook is one of the best sites out there. One of my biggest fears is that one of my Facebook posts will show up on there...

This one kills me.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


I stumbled across this song on the radio yesterday.

It is officially the worst song I have ever heard.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Inside Look at Birth of the IPod

Inside Look at Birth of the IPod:

Interesting article about some of the things that coincided with the birth of the iPod. This was especially interesting:

"'There was no discussion of (digital rights management),' Knauss said. 'Their belief was DRM would hurt sales when they rolled out the music store. They specifically wanted no DRM in the original iPod.'"

This is sad: The guy is the same age as me, meaning that he was about 23 when he worked on the original iPod. Sigh...

Hulu - Saturday Night Live: Digital Short: Shy Ronnie

Hulu - Saturday Night Live: Digital Short: Shy Ronnie

Absolutely brilliant. I don't know how these guys continue to come up with the brilliance (The Lonely Island) that they do, but they rarely miss. So funny....

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Google Chrome Extensions

Google Chrome Extensions

Extensions are now live for Google Chrome. The final piece to the puzzle has been completed. I now have absolutely no use for Firefox anymore.

Chrome is faster, cleaner, and better. There may be one or two extensions that haven't been ported over yet, but you really have no reason not to switch.

And if you are still using Internet Explorer in ANY capacity, I feel very, very sorry for you. You are missing out on a whole lot of speed that you could be using to do other things. Like read this blog.

Oh yeah...I have to post regularly for you guys to read. My bad.

Go get Chrome. Ditch IE. Please...for the children.